


How to be a Time Lord (interlude)

by raven_jones



Series: Timeless Series (Torchwood/Doctor Who) [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Comedy, Funny, Ianto Jones-Centric, Interlude, Mentioned Jack Harkness, Mentioned River Song, One Shot, Short, Time Lord Ianto Jones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27332845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_jones/pseuds/raven_jones
Summary: The Thirteenth Doctor gives Ianto Jones an introduction to the Time Lords, now that he is one himself.
Series: Timeless Series (Torchwood/Doctor Who) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907125
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	How to be a Time Lord (interlude)

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short one shot, I tried to be a bit funny (?)  
> Enjoy!

The Doctor paced around the TARDIS, her coat flapping around behind her. She had a piece of chalk in one hand, which she waved around as she talked, trying to look distinguished and wise.

“So,” she said, standing still and dramatically turning to face Ianto Jones, who was standing a few paces away, gripping the railings as if afraid the TARDIS would take off at any moment.

“What exactly _is_ a Time Lord?” She asked, gesturing at the air. Ianto didn’t answer; he assumed it was a rhetorical question.

The Doctor scribbled the words ‘Time Lord’ on a blackboard that she had wheeled out beforehand, knowing that it would be required for such a complex discussion as this.

“Firstly, and most important of all, Time Lords are _good people_.” She wrote this down too, underlining it twice.

“Um, what about the Ma-”

“SECONDLY, Time Lords are born, and not made. Don’t know how you managed that one, mate, but now you’re one of us. Or perhaps you’re a _pseudo_ -Time Lord, a whole new race in itself…”

“Wow, thanks,” Ianto deadpanned.

“Oh, no, don’t take offence - humans are basically pseudo-Time Lords too. So are the Akraxians, and the Colier, and the Sanamanantana Clan, and-”

Ianto cleared his throat.

“Basically, we came first.”

“Okay, Time Lords are the originals. Got it.” Ianto loosened his grip on the rails and walked over to the centre console. “Are you gonna teach me how to fly this, or…?”

“Ha! No way. I don’t trust _anyone_ with my TARDIS.”

“But you let Jack borrow-”

“Exceeept,” the Doctor interrupted, “sometimes Jack. Oh, and River, but she steals it anyway so I don’t have much choice.”

“Right…” said Ianto. “But can you at least explain it to me?”

The Doctor considered this. There would be no harm in showing him some of the basic functions of her ship, would there? She put the chalk down and melodramatically twirled over to the other side of the console.

“Uhh, so this is… actually, I don’t know what that does. I’ll ask River later - I’m picking her up for dinner at 6. And this,” she tapped a big red lever, “is basically timey-wimey speedy-gonzales stuff that gets me across the universe in a few seconds if there’s an emergency.”

Ianto stepped over a bunch of wires and joined the Doctor, trying to remember everything she was telling him, in case he would need to know this later on. Maybe he could even ask Jack to test him - he was a Time Lord now, after all, and he’d need to know this stuff, even though he could barely understand the basics. Like how the TARDIS could be bigger on the inside.

The Doctor was in her element now, hopping about and saying words that Ianto was sure were made up. It made Astrophysics look like child’s play.

“And _this_ ,” she piped up suddenly, sounding very proud of herself, “Oh, you won’t believe this - this is a _custard cream dispenser_.” She waited for Ianto’s reaction, expecting an exclamation of awe, but he didn’t even blink. She tried jazz hands. “A custard - cream - dispenser! How cool is that?!”

Sensing that he should be at least marginally impressed, Ianto opened his mouth in a wide smile, matching the Doctor’s excited expression.

“Wanna have a go?” She asked, jumping up and down. “C’mon, just press this button, here, and -”

Ianto, clearly woozy from sheer joy at this opportunity, completely missed the biscuit-dispensing button, and his finger jabbed at a large, glowing blue square.

“Oops,” he mumbled. “Sorry - wait, what does that do?”

The TARDIS wheezed, and every single light went out.

“Oh.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Oh, Ianto. Maybe just stick to coffee.


End file.
